Free Write Feelings

 Pain in my eyes, pain in my neck. 

Pain in my hands and it's all for these words.

I need sleep, I need to weep.

I want to get behind the wheel of a car in the middle of the night while it rains so that I can see and think and feel and be. Take me away, take me away, take me away.

Today I turned up the music because my own thoughts were too loud, too exhausting. And, beneath the tired anxiety, I'm a husk, a shell, a person who needs sleep.

 And yet, I'm winning, somehow I'm winning. 

They say hang on a little longer, just hang on a little longer, and if you just hang out a little longer, hang on a little longer. 

Eventually, will my feet hit the ground? Will I fall to my knees and think, "Oh yes, this was all worth it? Will all be fucking worth it?" And every effort I make, will it all go up in dust and mean nothing on this earth?

Nothing in heaven, oh heaven, oh heaven-- It's going to be better one day. The pain will fade away. Hang on a little longer, hang on a little longer. Lean forward, draw in a deep breath, and let it go.

Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it all go. 

And then, I'm falling and flying and my arms are wide and shit, this feels good doesn't it?

***

it's okay,

jj