Doing Everything That I Can

Good for nothing, delusional, nothing but a a hack. Imposter. Fake it till I make, but I'll never make it. Lazy and weak and unable. I can't do this. I'll never do it. Blowing smoke up your ass, because I'm afraid and I'll never move forward. Who the hell do you think you are? Just learn to cook. Get up, stop sitting there, you're behind, 32 years old, you're old and that's too old.

They broke you 8 years ago and you're never going to recover. Not really. 

Who the hell do you think you are?

Unlovable. It's all gonna fall apart. These are your fears, embrace them. These are your realities, embrace them. Curl up, because it's dark and cold, curl up, because it's not worth it. Move forward, but don't dream upward, don't dream upward, stop dreaming.

This is gonna all fall apart. Who the hell do you think you are? You weren't born for this. You've always know that. Who the hell do you think you are? 

Don't push, lay down, give up. Stop pushing, lay down, give up. Stop pushing, lay down, give up. 

You're never, ever, going to get there. Who do you think you are?

You can't do this. Do you hear me? Look me in the eyes. You can't do this.

***

(writing the raw stuff that's trying to holding me back, laying it down here)

But, I'm doing everything that I can.

it's okay,

jj