Alive And Living and Like Life

Have you every wanted something so much badly that your chest hurts, that tears spring to your eyes by just thinking about it, that your arms ache thinking about the way you want to hold it?

Have you ever waited years, worked for years, wanted for years? Have you ever stared at empty hands, empty cribs, empty bookshelves, empty of deepest desires?

Have you ever dreamed, wondering if the dream will always be just out of reach, reaching upward and the hope grazes your finger tips, but the test is negative and they've rejected your inquiry?

Have you ever fallen, and then risen again, as an almost 32 year old woman who wants to hold a baby, who wants to publish her novel? Have you ever been knocked down again and again?

Have you ever held your head high, kept steady eye contact with life, and said, "You have no killed this hope inside me, until my dying breath, I shall hope and want even if I never see it come to pass." 

Even if my womb stays empty, even if an agent never wants my book, even if one of those things happens, and the other doesn't. There is something miraculous, something magical, with me that feels like steel and stone, feels soft and supple, feels alive and living and like life. 

it's okay,

jj