Dear Jesus

 I'm afraid tonight. 

The world is on my shoulders, it is a weight I wish I was strong enough to bear. 

Am I supposed to be strong enough? Am I supposed to do rise up and run into the fog again? 

Why am I here? Why have I not learned my lesson? 

I'm so tired of being in this low place, let me rise and fly. 

Please, dear Jesus, let me see where You would have me go.

Take me in Your arms and whisper who You think I am, so that I might believe. 

***

Just a reminder folks... 

it's okay,

jj

***

P.S. I thought a few weeks ago, that I might be pregnant, and today I found I wasn't. I'm trying not to be mad at my body. Mental health, my eyesight, strength to do the things I want to do, domestic skills, ability to reproduce...  

I am not enough. 

I cry and cry and let myself cry. I'll try again tomorrow.