An Email I Didn't Want

 I woke up to an email I didn't want. It hit a trigger from the past. Now, I have that sense of injustice roaring through me, and I'm pissed off. I have to remember right now that it's not family's fault this happened, so I will try not to-

I'm so annoyed! By everything! All at once! Right now! Ugh!

I don't want to face the tough stuff. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to be accountable. I don't want to be pushed in directions I don't want to go in. I don't want to open up with vulnerability with people. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't...

I don't want this email to ruin my day. I don't know if I'm supposed to let it or to push it all away. I don't know what's healthy and right. I don't know if I should cry, I don't think I can even if I wanted to. 

It's triggering moments like this when I can see every painful thing that's ever happened. I'm embarrassed and angry and frustrated and someone very arrogant and unfeeling has my fate in their hands and it sucks.

I'm hoping I can leave my heart here, but I'm feeling everything right now and it's hard.

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Yeah, yeah, here's the verse for today:

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." - Romans 12:12

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it's okay,

jj